Be Inspired

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Thoughts about my childhood

This question has presented itself many times in my life and it always makes me dream and think about the possibilities. There is something intrinsically valuable in embracing one's inner child. Does anyone recall being able to challenge conventional wisdom simply through imagination?

I do. I remember doing rediculously dangerous things like jumping off our second story patio completely convinced that I would be able to fly, or diving into the deep end of the pool before I learned how to swim. I am extremely grateful that my parents were always available to rescue and educate me about my potentially life-threatening decisions. I was the kind of child that would leave the house in the middle of the night and wander into the street.  I was just curious enough to wait until everyone was asleep and go on my adventure.  After the second time Mom had to put deadbolts at the very top so I couldn't even reach it with a chair.

The truth of the matter is that I don't ever recall being afraid. Punishment for not listening was a consequence but that didn't seem to curb my desire to figure things out for myself.  Yet,  somewhere along the way; like a thief in the night, an insidious moment occurred and I traded in my curiosities for Fears:

Fear of being rejected. Fear of being alone. Fear of failure. Fear of Everything...

Why? Because I wanted to please others. My self-worth and value changed because I learned that if I didn't seek approval and receive it, I would be an outcast.  We unnaturally transition from being praised to trying to make the grade.

For example: My first grade teacher decided that I couldn't read although her attempt at holding me back for another year of torture resulted in an extremely interesting result.  The testing proved that I was already above a 6th grade comprehension and reading level as I maxed out thier testing materials.  That news left me quite elated..In my mind I imagined that I might be smarter than her by the time I reached High School.  I digress but her humiliation and degradation of me was endless in our classroom and I think it served to shape my personality a great deal..

For the longest time, I couldn't really figure out why I was so desperate for success and approval and whatever else makes us appreciated as "grown-ups". Now, I completely get the meaning behind the term "rat race". Why did it take so long to realize that there was never a place for me on the wheel that goes nowhere?  All of the years I spent trying to blend in were not necessarily wasted because I gained valuable insight.  It  is kind of like belonging to the cult without drinking the k00l-aid. 

And this leads me to my final point: Every sip from the cup of conventional ideals, if I don't  personally believe in them, could result in concocting my own personal "Death Juice". In some ways, the process has already begun but I had an epiphany:

We are humans and collectively able to do anything we set our minds and ambitions to. We have the ability to re-brand ourselves. We are not fixed like a tree and can move about at will so that begs the question, what would you do if  you knew you could not fail? NOW is the time to re-discover our fearless youths and tame the other restless lions that once held us captive.

 Endure. Be Strong yet Humble and ALWAYS Trust Your Intuition!

Greet your new future as I have mine! (More about that in a future post).

For My Dad

My Father brings me honor

and reminds me of my grace.

He offers his support

in any troubles I might face.

When I tell him

"Happy Father's Day",

he gives ME the credit!

His humility I embrace as

I could not ask for a better Dad.

In my humble opinion

He is the World's Greatest Man.

Kytari Chapman

Be Inspired Every Day: How to Change Who You Are

The Blogger from Be Inspired Every Day  posted "How to Change Who You Are on May 4th. I also subscribe to the email and I have enjoyed receiving positive and insighful messages that I can incorporate into my daily life.  Rather than reposting it here, I encourage you to visit the site for other encouraging messages that may be helpful to you.

New Office Policies

Up coming policy changes and 
NEW OFFICE POLICY 

Dress Code: 
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially 
and therefore do not need a raise. 

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and 
therefore you do not need a raise. 

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 

Sick Days: 
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 


Personal Days: 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 
Bereavement Leave: 
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, 
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 


Bathroom Breaks: 
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. 
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' 
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy. 


Lunch Break: 

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here 
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, 
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, 
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 

The Management 


Pass this on to all who are employed! 

King Tut & Cupcakes

Two of the most heartwarming events in my life were the days that my neices were born.  I was unable to be there for the birth of Zoe, who just turned nine but was the first family member, with the exception of the parents, to hold Kaitlin (almost 8) ...which is one of my fondest memories.  Another is holding the chubbiest, cutist little cherub Zoe during Passover. Her beautiful hazel eyes staring up at me as I rocked her gently and stroked her hair. 

 I value every moment I get to spend with them.  They do grow up so quickly. One day you are trying to keep one from crying if the one pushes the elevator button before the other and the next, you are telling them stories about how they used to cry about not being able to push buttons. They laughed about that story as if it seemed rediculous BECAUSE they are SO Grown-Up Now.  How Ironic!

Recently, Aunt Kytari (ME), has had a lot more time to spend with the Girls. I have had convertables for 12 years but even if there was one with a halfway decent back seat, it didn't translate into safety enough for me; So, I sold my CLK for an S Class with the navigation and Sirius Radio with Disney.  I wanted to be able to drive them around more than I wanted to have a Barbie Car.  Getting a sedan has fulfilled my intentions as it makes it easier to for my brother to leave the kids with me.

I always try to have something fun and educational to do. Last month we went to the Dallas World Aquarium as it is losing city funding and may close.  This weekend we went to the King Tut exhibit at the Dallas Museum of Art. Chances are, this won't be available to them locally until they are my age.  It was so much fun as they moved from each display and listened to the commentary on the audio device...I have been to this exhibit several times as a member  but was able to experience it with a sense of freshness as a result of their fascination.  Surprisingly, they were practically hyperventilating when they saw the Radio Disney vehicles parked outside.  That is a "kid thing" I don't quite understand but it was the highlight of their evening when I took their picture next to the van and something they really wanted to tell grandma about this morning.

The other excitement of the weekend was making cupcakes. Or should I call them "Tutcakes". I cooked, iced, cooled, and they made the magic of decorating them. No cupcake party would be complete without glittery princess icing and all of the different types of sprinkles available on the free-market.

My brother showed up earlier than expected and we all iced and ate cupcakes together. My neices didn't want to leave and to be honest, I didn't want them to go either. It is nice to be loved. 

Today I used the mixer that my great-grandmother used which could be 50+ years old and I remembered all of the times that I used to  be small and watch my grandma and my mom decorate cakes and coookies as I waited anxiously for that moment when I could lick the beaters.  All of those memories rushed into my heart and I became the women that I love most in this world as I shared the woman I am and want my neices to become.

Thank you Mrs. Craine for telling me that life is a bed of roses

I remember when my High School Senior Honors English Teacher, Mrs. Craine, said "Life is a bed of roses" on the first day of class. She proceeded to explain that this was the basis of all of the literature we would be reading in order to comprehend the authors perspective, and ultimately provide a thesis of the material in order to pass her class and graduate.

But the underlying lesson was for us to understand that while our life may not be read in classical literature, each one of us should be grateful for the fragrant beauties of living and expect the thorns that may cause us pain along the way. Whenever I get discouraged, I remind myself of this message.  There is a great balance that moves my spirit beyond the thorns because I know there is something sweet and fragrant at the end of this trial.

If you have ever tried to de-thorn a beautiful rose bouquet, were your hands not scratched? Such drastic measures almost always ensure that the roses may not even bloom when that vital part of their nature has been chipped away. I will stop here for now.

There will be additions to this blog. Stay Posted.

a brand new embarrassing story for your reading pleasure

Ahhh, the joys I have telling you everything silly that I do. Is it inpirational as promised by the name of my blog? Well, that is up to you...

My Super-Duper Eye Doctor at Uptown Vision in Dallas has my utmost respect and gratitude. As I stated in earlier blogs I have been going there for at least 8 years. Dr. H. was so concerned about my symptoms, he did not even accept payment for that visit in order to rush me to the  Premier Retina Specialist in DFW.  D.S. got "Kanye West Shutter Shades & Baller Bling" for scheduling surgery on Monday (as opposed to "get yo' bootie to da' hospital Friday")  so I could have my Annual Krunk  Brunchmas!  ......
For  those of you that don't know about my Krunk Brunchmas...It is ONE OF the PREMIER events of the year..Why? Because, I spell it differently. I decorate my tree with only things that you can wear and there is always a commemorative glass. This is my social fraternity. You are either invited or you are a guest of a very good friend of mine.

If you are still reading, you may be interested in the topic so I will proceed:

This last weekend the time had come to get a new prescription and new glasses even though I still have the n2o bubble in my eye. Ergo my silly story...

In had been really bummed out that I could only see clearly with my right eye. Not sure when I did this but I put one of my older prescriptions for my left eye in and forgot about it. Two weeks ago, I would not have seen the difference but Saturday  I went to the Optometrist convinced that my vision was incredibly better........The examination proved that as well UNTIL he looked into my eye with the "I'm an optometrist and can use bright lights without trying to hypnotize or send you into immediate seizures" registered medical equipment.  Apparently, I had a contact lens in. Only God Knows how long it was in there but there was a physical imprint around my Iris considering the existing trauma. Eeww!!!

Until my new glasses arrive I am still confined to my contacts and frequent pain.

It is still kind of funny, though...: -)

Warning signgs of a detached retina

Should I have the captive audience that just so happened to read my last blog, you would be aware that I had surgery for a detached retina. I thought that  this only happened to boxers and people much older than me. Regardless of the statistics, I believe that it is important to share the specifics of my personal experience.

Initially, I noticed a swarm of spots. I even commented to my boyfriend while on vacation about the anomoly and considered that I needed to change my contacts. Upon our return, it was as though I had a wrinkle or small blind spot in my vision even after I put on my glasses. Also be aware of a flashing light phenomenon. You may not even notice it until you are asked.

Obviously, this was slightly scary and I immediately scheduled an eye appointment  with my optometrist for over 7 years and after his assesment he coordinated an emergency visit with the retina specialist for more tests.

Perphaps all you may need right now is a prescription for your contacts; yet, there is so much more involved that requires a good deal of historical background (especially as we grow older.)

Just take care of your vision and commit to an annual or at least a bi-annual visit whether you have insurance or not. It could save your eyesight. Additionally, I highly recommend always going to the same doctor if possible. Their office will have all of your records and recognize a problem. Plus, they will fit you in if there is an emergency. Relationships are everything.

With so few posts over the last year and a multitude of events, I am considering where to begin my first blog of 2009. 

My heart is telling me to disclose the fact that somewhere along the way I have lost my Passion for a lot of things in my life that were important in my past. For some time now, I have wanted to maintain a sense of anonymity. To hide. It just seems like I have not been able to discuss inspiration considering that I've had none to offer, even for myself. The Year of 2008 was, quite frankly, more difficult than the year that I started this blog as a positive reference point for personal growth and achievement.

Nonetheless, we are required to face our fears and disappointments only to replace them with hope and goals for the future.  I have often heard or said that, "Attitude is Everything" yet I haven't ever experienced a time when my attitude was more filled with disdain, disgust, and even pain. 

It just seems that no effort I put forth was appreciated and rarely fruitful. Creatively speaking, I put everything into my work but the discipline I needed to collect on my efforts did not surface. Introspectively judgemental people who lose their passion cannot overcome the obvious and clear path to success. It just translates into a sense of personal failure which was compounded by the fact that I experienced blindness. Not the darkness that one would expect, but the result of surgery for a retinal detachment in my left eye.

Just when it seemed I was going to surpass expectations, I was miserably overcome by circumstances beyond my control. There was no cause for this ailment but it was paramount that I undergo immediate surgery. They don't tell you that you will not have vision other than the presence of light for at least one month yet supposedly one can drive, etc... The nausea of even being a passenger in a vehicle is more overpowering than the fear of driving.  It will be a few more weeks before I can even fly or take an elevator that makes my ears pop because the bubble of gas they put in my eye supported by a band (which I can always see) is prone to explode and cause permanent blindness.

Truth is, I learned a lot during this time... I had to learn to trust people. Trust them to take me to the grocery store and trust that people would move out of my way (in Matrix fashion : ) when I barrelled down an isle unaware of their presence. I had to sit at home and contemplate failure more than I cared to. Even as I write this, I am wearing an eye patch.

Most importantly, I had to listen to my inner voice and experience the fact that while I could not see, I did not have to be metaphysically blind. This opened the door for me to find myself just a bit even though I would not look in a mirror as I was disfigured. It was then I realized that I am "not so much" and afraid to face the world if I wasn't pretty. I just wanted to disappear until I could see my reflection and see more than the obvious: Which I have learned to do on a small level...Even the healing does not ensure that I won't always have a "droopy eye" as the doctor called it.

My friends, I am certain that we all look at others and make judgements. During this time, half of the people said, "Dear God! What happened!?" Others make comments about allergies and some consider that I had Lasik. When I wore sunglasses (not dark ones but a nice green pair) I was treated as though I did not exist. I guess people thought I was being a fancy jerk. I did not want to show my weakness. One day after being ignored at the pharmacy to fill a prescription, I finally took my glasses off and went from no eye contact to an immediate response and prescription fill. This wasn't the first time I had to let people know that I was disabled (more or less) to get acknowledgement.

The end result is that I just stopped leaving the house even with a friend. I couldn't bear the speculations, questions, and explaining the whole thing. It just gets boring. It just sucks and while we are all curious...please do your best to treat people the same, regardless. Your questions don't help. Be supportive if you know the circumstances and let everyone else in the room know so they can help through their actions and not the endless barrage of questions.. Truth be told, do you really want to learn everything about a detached retina? I will tell you and you will be as bored as me retelling it!

In the end, I had to part ways with my career. All of this was just too overwhelming because I learned that there is more to me than meets the eye (no pun intended).  I still have horrible eyesight but perhaps my Vision has Grown and Inspired Me.

The next post will be full of good news and cheer. I was able to leave my decade in technology to pursue a new career. All will be well.

Was that MY Hair?

Friends, Readers, Halloweeners,

I do wear fake hair on occasion. Actually, nearly every day.  For every half hour you could spend on your hair, I spend three minutes. It is not a crime as long as it matches and looks real. Plus, I like  the added versatility. It's weird but, if you know how to do it right (as I have learned from many years in modeling & beauty pageants,) it is quite easy to pass off multiple hair styles as your own.

"Own It" and that hair belongs to you! BUT GIRL MAKE SURE YOU SECURE IT!!!!

I was attending my Friend's Birthday party at a "name needs to be on the list"  Club which isn't quite my scene. Everyone in the place seemed to be hosting an event of their own so I had a Fantabulous Time! The Boyz were Dancin' and I tried to keep up... but the only thing that could move at that pace was my hair and it rocketed across the room into the other VIP section!!!

As the bar closed and we all said our good-byes, a giant man walked up to me with my hair inside of his shirt and said, "I think this belongs to you". I swiftly denied it. What would he think? Eventually, I  admitted to the transgression and accepted the hair. I really didn't have much choice when he described how it hit him in the face an fell in his drink. I do appreciate that he waited until the end of the evening to discreetly return the blonde aggressor.

Classy.